The Fall

Today is the last day of summer.

Today I turned fifty-three. I won’t go so far as to say I celebrated this day, but certainly I was wished a happy birthday by family and friends. There were the usual jokes and ribbing about being an old man…fifty-three is not old these days, but it ain’t young.

Typically birthdays don’t affect me one way or the other, the notable exception being turning twenty-five. It was a year of uncertainty and madness and regret, and a time where life should’ve started making sense. Yet the senselessness of that time still haunts today.

It was pleasant enough today…but already the signs are there for those adept at their reading. Summer is gone, and fall is upon us. A crispness is in the air, and while the days are still warm, the nights grow cool.

Tomorrow is the autumnal equinox, which is a fancy way of saying fall is here. Equinox is a Latin term for ‘equal night,’ meaning day and night are the same length. In the coming days, nights will grow long and days will shorten.

Today is the last day of summer. Tomorrow the fall begins.

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It’s maddening, actually. While others of a certain age work toward their winding down, I feel as if I’m just now starting. The questions and doubts that haunt every artist are magnified in the fading light. Has my time passed? Do I have enough fuel for the path I seek?

Am I simply too old to do this?

I joke that age is a number, and today I feel one hundred. Yet in my gut I still feel the flame that burns bright against the coming dark. With promises given and gifting empowered, I stubbornly hold to the vision of something greater than myself. I wonder and wail and ask the Father for the meaning behind it all. The only answers seem to be the whispering wind and silver of clouds heavy laden with doubt. Even my own choices conspire against the knowing of this vision of music that reveals and redeems and restores.

Summer is over. I realize I’m in the beginnings of my autumn…fall is here, and winter will follow all too soon…

 

“OneWord for 2014: A New Thing”

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19 NLT)

Happy New Year! Please welcome 2014! Out with the old…in with the new! It’s time to make resolutions and plans and exercise programs and budgets and daily readings and goals…I could go on and on and…

Well, you get the picture.

I have been as guilty as you and the rest of humanity regarding ‘new years’ and the plans to make the coming days better than the past ones. But in the last throes of 2013 as I thought and prayed for direction for the coming year, I began to experience a growing sense of dissatisfaction. The old system of resolving to ‘be better’ just hasn’t worked. At. All. It was time for a change.

A new thing…

The previous year was perhaps the most difficult one I’ve ever experienced. So many challenges…I’ll not even attempt to describe the highs and lows. There were many of both, and all the moments in between. But perhaps I can at least clue you in by using the ‘motto’ of my music ministry, Project Onefifty.

If you know me, then you know I dislike the way believers throw around vaunted theological language, especially with people who don’t know Christ. So I resolved long ago to try to use English instead of ‘Christianese’ terms and expressions. When I thought of the work God does in our lives, it seemed to break down into three distinct areas of revelation, redemption, and restoration. I translate them thusly:

Reveal. Redeem. Restore.

I’ll spare you the Sunday School lesson. The important point is that the past year has been these very words made manifest.

It’s been a season of revelations. Not only from God…but He’s revealed things about me and my heart long hidden or ignored by yours truly.

It has not been a fun process. But it has been illuminating…

Along with these difficult moments of revelation, something incredible happened. Redemption! God has extended Grace and Mercy and Love in such vast quantities as to overwhelm my heart. I’m truly thankful for the mercy of forgiveness and the grace that’s been given.

God works miracles and God forgives falls and failures. This past year has seen many. But what preachers don’t always tell you is that some miracles take a long time.

Especially when it comes to part three of the process. Restoration.

All this is just preamble to my One Word for 2014. I’m wrapping up, I promise!

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The past year was filled with revelation. I found out just how broken my heart is…how much it needs healing. I lack the courage oftentimes to own the truth of my feelings and fears and the choices I make.

I dance around my own heart like some kind of damaged diplomat. As if emotional détente will heal my broken spirit and create worth from worthlessness.

These revelations have impacted every facet of my life. But the unexpected redemption by God’s own hand is nothing less than miraculous. So undeserving of this grace, but I am so very very thankful.

But I want…no, need the many mistakes to be made right. I need more than revelation and redemption, however miraculous. I need restoration…in every aforementioned facet. My very spirit requires it.

Restore…

It may be the hardest word ever lived.

But it’s the word that I cannot seem to escape. I can’t settle for anything less than whatever it is God has planned…despite my every effort to seemingly screw it up. I’ll be honest in that choosing this word terrifies me. Because I’ve made every effort to avoid it and run. It’s almost as if this word has chosen me.

So God help me this year…

Father, I thank you for the gift of this day, and the gift of restoration…guide me, Holy Spirit along each step in this path…Jesus, thank you for your Love and Mercy.

Welcome to 2014…a new thing: the Year of Restoration.

GV

Reveal•Redeem•Restore…God is still doing all three

Link to OneWord 365 here