Posted on

Only to Remember

Only to Remember

No new words fall from these lips
Only tears fall from these eyes
A heart in shadow, a life eclipsed
By a hurt I can’t reconcile

It is because online stores facilitate them in generic viagra pills bulk and on discounted prices. The medicine is the first treatment introduced in 1998 for people who experience hardness to maintain erections. soft generic viagra The semirigid rods keep your penis firm but bendable. tadalafil no prescription You can consult order levitra on line your doctor regarding dosage of VigRx plus pill as your doctor would be able to enjoy the sex for about 4 to 6 hours. A loss of innocence and a lost horizon
Bookends that the thieves left behind
A lonely denizen of a failed uprising
Abandoning the dream to pay the cost
Only to remember all that’s lost

Posted on

“A Sky Full of Blue”

A song for those with wounded spirits and forgotten dreams…

 

“A Sky Full of Blue”

Verse One
I don’t need any signs or wonders
I’m trying to keep from being torn asunder
Plenty of time to pray and ponder
God help me as I weep and wander

Chorus
Nothing left to believe
There’s a sky full of blue
And a head full of dreams

Verse Two
I’m dying from a wounded spirit
It doesn’t matter, my heart’s not in it
So many prayers, all unspoken
God help me ’cause I am so broken

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Nothing left to believe
There’s a sky full of blue
And a head full of dreams

Bridge
There’s nothing to say
Nothing left to do
I just can’t do it anymore

Verse Three
I don’t want a new revelation
Just a road with no destination
All these promises fade from view
The blue sky fades to a darker hue

Chorus
Nothing left to believe
There’s a sky full of stars
And forgotten dreams
Nothing left to believe
There’s a sky full of blue
And a head full of dreams

Posted on

King of Pain

I have stood here before in the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running ’round my brain
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign
But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain…

“King of Pain” -the Police
I remember it as a bright afternoon. The slight breeze in my longish hair had a taste of fall, and a hint of the rain that came later in the evening. Was it a Saturday? It must’ve been, as I had been outside playing since lunch. I had started reading a book my sister showed me…”The Hobbit” by a guy with the name of Tolkien. A fallen branch from a tree overhanging the neighbors fence had become a sword, which I was swinging madly. My wild exclamations were subdued, as I had learned even by the age of ten or so that I was different. Most kids were playing sports or playing with pellet guns. My imagination demanded a more noble weapon. But kids are cruel to those with pretensions of nobility, real or imagined.

So between my muted grunts and oaths the only sounds were cars traveling the nearby 25th Avenue in the northeast end of Center Point, Alabama. That and the gentle song of the smallish creek that ran behind our house that emptied into Lake View just three doors down. Across the creek was a huge open area belonging seemingly to no one but a young boy with a head full of hobbits. It was enough to be a battleground or just a place to fly kites on windy days.

It happened so fast. Sword-branch swinging one minute…and the next writhing on the ground consumed by pain.

In addition to other challenges, Nature had given me the gift of a bad knee (the right one, in fact). From time to time my kneecap would dislocate, moving all the way over to the outside of my leg. As suddenly as it would pop out, it would soon pop in and I would be left with little more than some tenderness in the surrounding ligaments…that and the memory of pain.

Pain. Such a short word to describe such agony. I cannot even begin to describe just how badly it hurt. Throughout the course of my preteen years, my knee may have given way four…five times? In fact, this was the last time (knock on wood) that it happened. Thank God, because it seemed to last forever. It hurt sooo bad that I could barely breathe, much less cry for help.

I knew it would be okay in a few minutes, but if you looked out the kitchen window that day you would’ve seen a young boy literally sobbing with pain.

There are many kinds of pain, and it matters not whether physical, emotional, mental, or even spiritual; when wrapped in pain, the world stops.

Pain blinds us to the surrounding world. When your body is engulfed with pain, the other senses tend to shut down, and you focus on stopping the immediate hurt. It’s no different with the other types of pain. Whatever antenna or radar you had deployed to pick up signals from the surrounding world is cut off. You are essentially blinded indeed.
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It’s a fairly simple matter to spot those in physical pain. The other kinds? Not so much. We live in a culture where everything is fine, and I’m okay. No one wants to hear about pain. Enough of that crap fills our social media and news feeds. It’s uncomfortable to have to deal with the pain that surrounds, especially as we hide our own agony. The higher the level of hurt and anguish, the higher the walls we build to contain it.

Brick by brick
And row by row
I need protection
So my wall it grows
Higher and higher
Stronger than steel
Blocks all the feeling
All the pain I feel

(Unfinished lyric by yours truly)

So here I sit enthroned, a king behind my walls…no different than most. But the world has stopped spinning. How many of us, I wonder, inhabit this kingdom?

May these walls soon crumble and this reign become a distant memory…

Silo in Thompsons Station

 

Posted on

The Fall

Today is the last day of summer.

Today I turned fifty-three. I won’t go so far as to say I celebrated this day, but certainly I was wished a happy birthday by family and friends. There were the usual jokes and ribbing about being an old man…fifty-three is not old these days, but it ain’t young.

Typically birthdays don’t affect me one way or the other, the notable exception being turning twenty-five. It was a year of uncertainty and madness and regret, and a time where life should’ve started making sense. Yet the senselessness of that time still haunts today.

It was pleasant enough today…but already the signs are there for those adept at their reading. Summer is gone, and fall is upon us. A crispness is in the air, and while the days are still warm, the nights grow cool.

Tomorrow is the autumnal equinox, which is a fancy way of saying fall is here. Equinox is a Latin term for ‘equal night,’ meaning day and night are the same length. In the coming days, nights will grow long and days will shorten.

Today is the last day of summer. Tomorrow the fall begins.

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It’s maddening, actually. While others of a certain age work toward their winding down, I feel as if I’m just now starting. The questions and doubts that haunt every artist are magnified in the fading light. Has my time passed? Do I have enough fuel for the path I seek?

Am I simply too old to do this?

I joke that age is a number, and today I feel one hundred. Yet in my gut I still feel the flame that burns bright against the coming dark. With promises given and gifting empowered, I stubbornly hold to the vision of something greater than myself. I wonder and wail and ask the Father for the meaning behind it all. The only answers seem to be the whispering wind and silver of clouds heavy laden with doubt. Even my own choices conspire against the knowing of this vision of music that reveals and redeems and restores.

Summer is over. I realize I’m in the beginnings of my autumn…fall is here, and winter will follow all too soon…

 

Posted on

Reborn

Sometimes you stumble
Fumble and fall
Left bruised and bleeding
All hope dissolved
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No one will mourn
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With dreams reborn

Posted on

Are You Experienced?

Welcome to September.

It is the month of my birth, having seen fifty-three of them thus far. September is as blue as a sapphire set in the hazy gold of autumn, striving and striding through fields of morning glories and forget-me-nots.

Today I’m feeling the weight of every season of these years. “Are you ‘experienced’?” Some would call me that…I just call it old.

I was letting my son Colin drive to work, with yours truly safely strapped into the passenger seat. The new U2 record is everywhere, having been released famously for free yesterday. But my 18-year-old son chose today to listen to the Ink Spots recording of “I Don’t Want to Set the World On Fire.” It is a cool old song for the old soul residing in his young body.

I know I’m supposed to be thankful for each day…but right now the days just aren’t good, filled with a dearth of work and understanding. Hope and despair balance on the edge of a two-edged sword. I’ve been aching to write, but all that I’ve been able to pour out in the dark moments are twisted tears and dark verse. I long for a deeper expression. I’m longing for joy and morning and silver lining.

There’s no real point to todays post other than just to express what I feel. I care too much about what people think and these feelings have been simmering for ages. Rage follows the grief I feel and it requires a safety valve, otherwise it will overwhelm and consume me as surely as any deadly disease.

When I was young I really thought I had everything figured out. I learned quickly that is not the case. Life has become filled not with answers but so many questions.
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It’s been said that there are no stupid questions…I can certainly agree with that. It seems to me there are only stupid people too proud or afraid to admit they need to ask. But I recognize the harshness of that belief of mine, filled with a limitless pride all my own. Asking questions and self-awareness seem to go hand in hand. If that’s the case, then I am the Crown Prince of Aware.

Awareness is all well and good, but my many questions remain. Usually it’s about this time when I invoke Psalm 33:3 and talk about Bono and God’s phone number. Bono is busy right now with a new project, and God’s line just goes to voice mail.

So I struggle this September day with ‘unanswers’ of empty platitude, and the pain of what appears to be lost. The sapphire blue sky is covered in grey haze, and there are no forget-me-nots in the garden.

My soul is saved by the promise, but still shaded sapphire blue.

“Forget me not, Father…” as You called the tiny bloom overlooked in the naming.

I don’t want to set the world on fire…I just don’t want the flame of promise to go out.
Lead me through this barren place to the valley of morning glory.

Posted on

“Labor”

Labor

It is a strange sensation
To feel a teardrop
Running all the way
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How slowly it rolls down
In thrall to gravity and sadness
A sign for all to see
The ones who labor with loneliness

Posted on

“Falling Away”

The leaves are falling
First signs of winter
The pressure’s building
I start to splinter
My strength is falling away

No pearls in the making
Only spirit breaking
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So tired of hurting
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The leaves are falling
The leaves are falling
Until they all fall away…

Posted on

“Nightfall”

In the last light of the gloaming
The sun has his way
I’ll be blinded
When nightfall comes

Alone in the clouds of witness
Sadness has his say
I’ll be weeping
When nightfall comes

Come might, come what may
Come take this weight away
Come night, come one day
Please take this dark…

In the realm of indecision
Fear holds me in sway
I’ll be trembling
When nightfall comes
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But when today becomes tomorrow
And night falls into day
I’ll be standing in the shadows
A darker shade of grey
I’ll be praying
When nightfall comes…

Nightfall

 

 

 

 

Posted on

“The Reminding”

I want to get lost
Go where no one can find me
Who can pay the cost
Of all the failure still reminding
Where is freedom?
Where is release?
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I want to get lost
And go where only You can find me
And Grace is the reminding