The Other Side of ‘Trust’

It’s a grey day in Middle Tennessee. The rains that have plagued surrounding states have descended in force. But for the moment, the skies have ceased their crying, and the break gives way to moments of reflection.

I look through old lyrics, waiting for the moment when a word leaps from the page. If inspiration is to be found, it’s not to be found here today. Part of the process is recognizing that the Muse has left the building…but check back tomorrow.

I noticed a song that almost made the cut for my first CD “Spheres of Influence” way back in 2004. I can’t remember why it wasn’t included…it obviously must have been a strong enough idea, as I have a demo of it floating around on my hard drive somewhere.

‘Day the World Stood Still’ is a strange song. Given the authorship it’s not surprising, right? Written just 25 days before the birth of our last child Audra Grace, it stands in stark contrast to my song written a few months earlier, ‘I Will Trust In You.”

I’ve written much about ‘Trust’ since it dropped in my musical lap right out of the sky. You can check out the story here.

“Day The World Stood Still”

I am as far away as I can be from you
You don’t believe a single word I say
And I don’t blame you
You want some proof or trust from me I can’t deliver
You have words of truth for me
Or so it’s written

I realize I can’t recognize
The distance I have drifted
Something has broken in me
The balance must be shifted

So let me run, set me free
And set the hopeless on their feet
Hearts are singing
Freedom is ringing
And this is the day
The day the world stood still

You hung outside in wind and rain, waiting for me
Remember me and take away the pain
Just get me through this

I realize I can’t reconcile
The bitter and the blessing
Something is changing in me
This secret needs confessing

Still I will trust you
Still I will follow
The son of man
A man of sorrows

Looking at these words now, I see the surface reasons for not using this song. There are lyrical weaknesses; parts of the idea not being developed enough, especially in comparison of what became my album project.

But if I’m honest, this song just scared me. And does even still.

My spiritual worldview couldn’t handle the apparent dichotomy of the hopeless abandon of ‘I Will Trust in You’ with the hopelessness of ‘Day the World Stood Still.’ To admit questioning God Almighty in this way would be perceived as weakness on my part, and an inability to trust.

An inability to trust. The arrow just found its mark.

I now see that these two songs are just flip sides of the same coin…and really say the same thing, excepting tone and emotional transparency.

I know now after all these years that God knows I have a problem with trust. And He doesn’t care how I couch the sentiment. But it’s not confined to just Him. It spills over into every inch of my heart and life. When people tell me how my songs inspire or bring comfort, I feel the dis ingenuity of a man proclaiming a truth I struggle to believe in those dark moments of the storm.

Still I will trust you
Still I will follow
The son of man
A man of sorrows

So, let the rain come. From the thunder of my puny anger and rage, to the desperate cry of tear-soaked searching…God hears it all and knows my heart.

Doubt and deliverance. God is closer than I think…

Then I will be glad because of the Lord; I will be happy because he saved me. With all my heart I will say to the Lord, “There is no one like you. You protect the weak from the strong, the poor from the oppressor.” (Psalm 35:9, 10 GNT)