“Broken”

Broken people break things.

I am broken.

This was the beginnings of a new post I started on Sunday. As usual, life happened and diverted me from this particular writing path.

Oh, I’m still broken…and still breaking things.

This morning I read a great article on songwriting. If you’re one of the six people who read my blog, then you’ll already know who I am and what I do. For those who don’t, here’s my bio:

“Wandering minstrel. King David’s bastard son. Seeing the world through lines of a song, how it is and how it could be… reveal•redeem•restore”

Not sure that was particularly helpful. I’m a musician and songwriter. Got started 39 years ago and have only looked back a few million times.

So this article I read…

It was about songwriting and rewriting based on the oftentimes harsh critique of ‘experts’ in order to make a song more commercial or successful. The author wisely advised against taking out the heart of the song…that emotive spark that gave the song life in the first place.

The line that ‘got me’ was a quote from her dad (also a hit songwriter):

“If you trim yourself to fit the world, you’ll whittle yourself away.”

I’ve found myself doing that a lot these days. Trimming to fit the mould. Living to meet the expectations of people that probably don’t give a crap about me…

…until I break something.

A runner will tell you that looking back only serves to slow you down. It’s only natural to want to see where you’ve been and how far you’ve come. But I’ve spent a life looking back, whittling myself away to reach a standard impossible to attain. Or even if somehow reached, impossible to maintain.

I was born broken many, many years ago.

I’ll always be broken. And I’ll continue to break things, try as I might not to…
I’m sure one day I’ll find the courage to reveal all my broken places. But for now, my time is short. I’ll keep running this race, and I’ll not look back.

Well…maybe not as much.