There is no more ominous feeling
Than watching the gathering storm
Every nerve ending can sense it
The threat of imminent deluge
The sound of the wind in the trees
Usually bringing a gentle comfort
Now punctuates the pressure
Building with every moment
And the absence of birdsong
Father, guard the sparrow
And guide the hopeless heart
The danger of the day recedes
The nearness of the night encloses
The stars still look on
Bystanding to battle and balm
Impervious to trial and tears
Stars will fade
Wounds will heal
Will mercy ever be revealed
And what will be the remembering?
I want to get lost
Go where no one can find me
Who can pay the cost
Of all the failure still reminding
Where is freedom?
Where is release?
Where is the sleep that feels like peace?
I want to get lost
And go where only You can find me
And Grace is the reminding
The final notes rang out minutes before 11 PM. The gear is packed away, and the band and I have driven our separate ways. I’m down the road a little ways and my favorite playlist on Spotify is streaming into my ears. Yet tears stream down my cheeks as I remember the words and stories recounted tonight.
The words ring over and over in my mind. “He was hungry for my pain and suffering…
I was determined to survive.”
Right now someone is attempting to ward off blows that should never fall.
Someone is begging and pleading for it all to stop.
But it doesn’t stop…
Statistics were shared tonight how relatively few in number decide to survive. The rest believe they deserve whatever they receive. It’s a hell storm that they long to flee, yet fear holds them hostage. They convince themselves it’s not the abuser who is wrong, but it’s them. Somehow they have failed and are worthless…yet worthy of any punishment rained upon them.
Father, protect your children tonight. Give courage where fear reigns. Give strength to the weak, and let your mercy flow…
“God… Shape a genesis week from the chaos of my life.”
Psalm 51:10 The Message
While I love the technology of iPads and laptops, I have rediscovered the immediacy that comes with connecting my head and heart to my pen and allowing that to spill out onto a blank page. It seems more real, though no less difficult.
Typing onto a screen is clean and neat, but writing by hand is chaotic and mesy. But it’s more like real life…like my life at least.
There is a post I’m struggling to write. It’s messy and is demanding a transparency that my own inner fears seldom allow.
Fear has always been my greatest enemy. Praying for freedom from fear, and for the courage to trust in the One who is always trustworthy.